The Blowfish can be classified as evil, poisonous, slow and slightly retarded. They range from small to medium in size (in my case I caught a small one) and can be found all over the world ...just like cocaine! Cocaine has the tendency to make one believe they can conquer the world, stay up all night and do push ups, while the Blowfish swells up its tummy to make itself feel more powerful and also invincible. My Blowfish clearly loved push ups by his arms to head ratio and had this weird obsession with wiping his nose. And so we begin.
I was off work by 8:45 and ready for Taco Tuesday by 10pm. I decided to play it safe and drive to the bar alone to meet Mr. Blow and his hideous friend who does not even get a species of fish. To my relief one of my old co-workers (who is sexy as hell) was at the bar so he was my red life alert button (too bad i couldn't wear him around my neck like they show in the commercials). I sat down and did not offer to by myself a beer, introduced myself and screamed "lets drink!" That's when homeboy figured out I wasn't paying for shit that night.
After quite a few drinks my life line left and my best friend Addison called to invite us all to Typhoons, which sounded like a horrible idea, but we went anyways. We show up, do not wait in line (I don't do lines) and that's when Blow handed Addison his credit card and stated he needed to use the restroom. SCORE! Shots on Addison! After running up his tab to a number I am embarrassed to share ($200+) he returned to fetch his card.
Ok people lets pause for a second...He was gone for a half hour. Either he had to take a shit, accidentally stood in the girls line or did a few lines.What do you think...
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| Ok its small but you get the Picture |
We made our way to the dance floor satisfied with our BAC and on a mission to ditch the boys. I knew they weren't gone when I could constantly hear Blow sniffling in my ear so I did what any girl would do to not draw attention...jumped on the pole and put on a show. As a school of black fish gawked and hollered at me I figured the unwanted attention by every penis would turn Blow off. Nope Wrong again.
Bar time was finally called so we all stumbled out with Mr. Sniffles and all. Since they were stage 5 clingers and their noses weren't bleeding yet, we decided to at least get a drunken hott dog out of them. Mission accomplished...I am eating my dog in the most unattractive way possible as Addison has managed to get behind the stand, steal the tongs and scream "Get your wieners!!"At every pedestrian. You may be able to tell we hate attention. Finally I decided to call it a night pee on a bus that was parked and make my way home. Shout out to the bum who lives in the ally on Haines, you know it was the best ass you have every seen!
After saying our goodbyes and scoring an unbelievable horrible make out session with Blowfish I called my ex. We all know why I did that ;)
Just so everyone knows Lilly, my beautiful amazing, responsible roomy decided to stay in that night. She WAS NOT passed drunk and DOES NOT need professional help ;)
B~
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